“How dare the world not tell you, right from the start, that you are some kind of warrior.”
One of my friends posted this on facebook, with the caption “Y’ALL. If you feel even the tiniest bit broken, or tired, or useless today. Read on. ‘I’m not gonna let you be the world’s largest living & breathing apology.’ Hannah is a wizard of words. ” And I cried as I read it.
I used to wait for my roommates to go to sleep so I could creep down the hallway into the kitchen and fill a bowl with food.
It was odds and ends of the things I could find in the fridge and I would eat until I reached the bottom of the bowl. I never told anyone how I was a vacuum cleaner at night, that I was trying to fill some kind of emptiness inside of me. It was a secret sworn between me & cutlery & the 1am hour.
I’d cry & I’d cry & I’d cry. And no one knew the desperation that visited me when I no longer knew how to control myself. How I just wanted to shrink smaller, smaller, smaller until I could disappear. Who taught me to be less? Who taught me to be so fragile?
My mama is like a gust…
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